"I just want to create something meaningful."

We can work with our hands, shaping metal or picking dead leaves off a growing plant. Operate heavy machinery, pour cement into a foundation, wash and peel potatoes, put new steel strings on a used guitar or scrape muck out of gutters.


We can write words that trigger sympathetic reactions in diverse minds, channel a melody that swims through the air and into a million tiny bones in a million different ear canals, reverberating tiny membranes and resonating through hearts and bodies, make beats that bob heads and tap toes. Capture wildlife in watercolors or generate timeless children's folktales.


We can coordinate a public university's internet network, develop and edit underground films, analyze the mechanics of plane engines, teach kids a foreign language, preside over elementary schools, administrate a medical research lab, or tirelessly study law in the joint pursuits of making money and promoting justice.


We can come late to work, cheat on tests, cheat on spouses, take drugs, lie to parents, manipulate friends, steal until we get caught. We can feel purposeless, scrape our chins through the grit of depression, doubt our relationships and withdraw, brooding behind walls and sliding doors. Alone in the dark, we can question our own worth.


We can see from a new perspective. We can regard a good choice in retrospect with complete satisfaction. Lay for hours under a flowering tree reading for pleasure in the spring sun. Draw warmth and comfort from one good friendship. We can forgive ourselves, even for the big things. As long as we don't repeat those mistakes. We can accept what changes as time passes. We can practice the cello, push our limits on marathon bike trips, focus on a new project and see it through. Handwrite a letter to an old friend, send a text message to a new friend, roll the dice and pursue a romantic spark to see where it might lead.


I want to challenge myself, feel content with the results. I want to be consistently honest, achieve a balance of personality where I know who I am and don't struggle to reveal a cohesive self to strangers or friends. I want to earn people's trust and mislead no one. I want to show friends and family how much I care about the abstract things they think about and what they choose to do on a daily basis. I want to create a satisfying lifestyle for myself while helping with all the smaller and greater things connected to me.


I want to look back when it's all said and done and feel like I've created something meaningful. That's about as much as I can ask for, really.